Overcoming fear. I have so many of them. I slowly conquer them. I always feel like a dumb ass when I realize I shouldn’t have been fearing a damn thing. Yet I repeat the same cycle over and over.
I’ve recently been pushing myself physically and have had some great breakthroughs recently with my realization that it’s all mental. I have been able to accomplish some great results with my Stronglifts 5×5 routine. I remember being scared to death to have any kind of weight sitting on my shoulders or hanging over my head. This breakthrough has helped me push myself forward to conquering more of my fears.
The box jump. It has eluded me for a year. I have been on the verge of tears when my trainer has asked me to do a box jump. I had refused. In my mind, there was no way my big, giant ass was going to magically take flight and land top of a tiny box. See the “boxes” at my gym, are these thin, red metal boxes. They are not enclosed and only have about 12in by 12in landing space at the top. They don’t leave much room for error and because it’s not enclosed it gives the appearance of not being particularly stable. So a fat ass taking flight and landing on something that doesn’t leave any room for error was a no go. I couldn’t get past it.
A couple months ago, my trainer made me do jumps on an aerobics step, maybe 6 inches high. I could do it no problem. Easy peasy. Last week, I decided it was time to change things up and I signed up at a CrossFit gym. CrossFit means I will have to do box jumps. I have to face my fear. In the first week, we did not do them. Whew. I’m still doing a few more sessions with my trainer at my old gym before I completely switch over to the CrossFit gym. On Monday, I text my trainer and told him I wanted to do box jumps in tomorrow’s session. It’s time. He was all sorts of excited sending me texts with lots of exclamation points. So Tuesday, I did box jumps about 11-12inches high. He set up the aerobics step higher that gave me plenty jumping space to work with. I had no problems and it was the little boost that I needed.
Sure enough, in my Wednesday CrossFit workout we were introduced to box jumps. Freaked me out that I had this premonition. So happy I did them with my trainer the day before. We started doing jumps on a nice, big wide enclosed box that was a little over 12 inches high. I was able to do it no problem!!! Then we moved on to doing jumps on a 20in box which is the standard crossfit height for women. It was nice and wide, enclosed and solid. However, when your total height is only 60 inches, 20 inches looks REALLY, FREAKING tall. 1/3 of my total height! We all lined up to do a jump. It was my turn. I stopped frozen in my fear. I had to move 178 pounds compacted into 5 feet of body in the air over 20 inches! A sense of embarassment started to creep in because everybody in the class was staring at me. I decided I was going to do it. Just as I was gathering my momentum I hesitated. Scared shitless. Then something came over me and I went for it. I gatherd my momentum and jumped. I BARELY made it. I made it. Then I made it again. Then I made it about 60+ more times during our workout of the day.
I overcame my fear of box jumps. I think there is some part of me that still sees myself as this weak 235 pound person. But that’s not me anymore. I’ve worked hard. I’m smaller and stronger and I can do things with my body that I never even imagined. I need to work on letting go of the old me and embrace that the new me is capable of amazing things.
Do you have a fear that you were able to overcome or want to overcome? Tell me about in the comments section!
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